Baby Greg

After my morning at Sisters I went to work. I was in A ward, and orientating a new nurse to the ward and it's unusual ways! At dinner time I had a conversation with Ali who is one of our paeds nurses who has looked after Baby Greg for many many weeks. She had expressed how he continued to struggle his way through each day.

A little later in the evening, after staff doing as much as we could, Baby Greg passed away. He went quietly and quickly. Despite him being so unwell since his surgery, the little one had continued to persevere every day, and it was a shock to all of us when it happened. Greg's mother was deeply distressed as any mother would be.

My heart and the hearts of the nurses here were so very heavy, all of us having been part of his little world as we worked around his bed area. The beeping machines, hum of the oxygen and occasional crys, as well as Greg's mum's laughter, tears and prayers were so much a part of everyday, not one of us could not help but be touched and moved at his death.

We can all question, wonder and plead with God for reasons why this happened and why he had held on for so long just to be carried home to his father in heaven. What I know to be true is that his Mum Marion, virtually a child herself, has had the most phenomenal times of prayer, sharing, and being ministered to whilst being with us. She has an amazing story. Her father for reasons I will not go into had proclaimed over her life that she had disgraced her family and that she would never keep hold of a live baby in her hands. A curse that has been true in her past pregnancies. She has been gripped by fear by this. We know that this curse has been broken despite baby Greg's recent death. As one of her family put it when we carried Marion, Baby Greg home the night he died "some of the babies just have to go back" - to the hands of their father. I can not explain this situation more in my blog, I only know God is bigger than this.

The next day we had a time to share and talk about what happened. It seemed strange for many as they had met in a similar situation only the day of Greg's death and made a plan for the next week to fit a tracheostomy, as a step in the right direction for when the ship leaves at the end of the year, in order to continue his care. Clearly Greg and God had other plans! The meeting was a really important healing time for us all. Our ward supervisor shared with us how at Marion's home the night before, that the family had thanked and thanked us as a team for giving them 'more than the best care'. Each of us hold on to the fact that now Greg is in more than the best place.

Our contact with Marion and her family has continued, in order to continue to support her. Just now Ali shared with me how they have just visited her house. One of our ship crew happened to drove our discipler and Ali to see them. He shared his families testimony of experiencing the exact same 'curse' placed on his mother, and how through God's Grace and Mercy, the curse was destroyed, his birth being the result of it being broken. Being able to be a living testimony of God's work is astounding and can only have encouraged her. God is evidently continuing to work in this family and I don't believe this is the end by any means.

I did not come to this ship realising the extent to which I would be shown new, wonderful, difficult and challenging things. Every day my God gets bigger and more astounding. I am but a tiny small and insignificant part in God's intricate plan, yet I am here, he called me into it. I only hope I remeber these life changing things I am sharing as time passes.

Sisters of charity

I went again to my regular Mercy Ministry this week - a home for adults and children affected by HIV, malnourishment and TB run by Sisters. The week before I came home from the kids section absolutely exhausted and feeling pretty like I had done very little to help. The kids were WILD! It had been raining intensely the whole time we were there which probably didn't help, but I felt I just spent the whole time there just policing the box of activities we took with us.
This week, we were able to use a slightly larger covered area, but chose to spend the first 15 minutes with the activities out of sight and just play with the children, giving them plenty of hugs and tickles. It worked brilliantly! They responded so well. There are some triplets there at the moment who are a real handful, but we managed to get them occupied by a heads, shoulders, knees and toes rendition!
I still just love this place, despite th ebad days, it is a place where they are so well and humbly looked after. The children are visibly chubbier, better behaved adn healthier the longer they are there. Last week there was a small boy, maybe 8 or so, looking extrememly ill. He is HIV positive, His bones poked out, his eyes were filled with pain, and he was lying on a bench with a blanket under him, scrunched in the foetal position. My heart physically pained to see the agony it was for him to lift his head. This week, the boy was so different. He was sitting up, shy but interacting, there was a little glint in his eye, and occasionally a little smile crept across his face. The sisters are vigilant in administering medication, vitamins, and in feeding regularly through the day. His progress is testimant to that. Obviously, this child will never be 'cured', and I don't know his home circumstances. His family may not have been able to care for him properly. What I know now for sure is that he is in excellant hands.
I decided that rather than trying to interact with all the children I would focus on a few littlle girls. They were squabbling for my attention between eachother but then we began to play games all together They loved 'round and round the garden' and I managed to read a story book to them too. a little later, 2 of the boys about 4 years old had started to draw pictures. They were so proud of their scribbles and kept coming to me for encouragement, big smiles all around when I told them how good they were! It is so humbling to see how little these children want in some senses. A hug, a smile, a happy encouragement. This I can do in abundance!
A while before we left, I went to see the tiniest babies. Currently there are 3 babies under 5 months who's mothers are in the other area of the home and unwell. I had a cuddle with one of them, showing the older chidlren how to be jus a bit gentle as we started playing with the play dough and bubbles.
Leaving is always the hard part, but a day at work was to follow that I will never forget...

Day with the HIV team

One of Mercy Ships off ship programmes is the HIV team. Their main way of working is through workshops for local pastors/churches, with an emphasis on the managebility and prevention of HIV. Pastors are invited to bring together 4 or 5 of their congregation to the 6 day workshop, following which they will have been taught and empowered to teach those in their church and their families, then going into local communites. There is a huge focus on how to integrate, accept and encourage people with HIV to be open and honest. I went along to the second day of the latest workshop. 22 people attended, and it was an absolutely fantastic day!
The day began with a traditional African worship time, which I love so much! The team had then asked a local counsellor who works at a catholic clinic, where HIV testing, treatment and counselling is available to come and talk to the people. It was an amazing 3 hour session. Johnny talked about a huge array of things; the discovery of HIV in the 80's, how it is transmitted, how treatment programmes run, how to encourage people to get tested. Currently in Liberia the known rate of HIV is 8-10% but because of the war and the situation of the country there is very little data available.
It was absolutely awesome to watch the interaction of the pastors as Johnny challenged them about the stigma attached to HIV. All of the people were open about their own experiences of HIV and how they would prevent their children from playing with those they knew to be positive, they would not share food etc. It was amazing to see what false beliefs about the disease that they had. What was amazing was their obvious hunger to know more. They all spoke out and asked question after question. No stone was left unturned! I was so moved by their desire to know and have the knowledge that they needed. Johnny, also a Christian was amazing at integrating Biblical principles and really challenged them to think about the way they treated people from a Christian perspective also.
We had a break for lunch (which began my renaming session...see previous post!) in which we sat outside the simple school building beneath a tree in a wonderful breeze despite the scorching heat! It was wonderful. The building was tucked amidst a small quiet village surrounded by trees and small tin roof houses all focused on a central point, a real community. We tucked into our hot and spicy African meal (hot in both senses!!) and enjoyed just listening to the continued chatter and discussion.
Each night, those attending are asked to do some homework. A group of them had been asked to perform a short play. I have never seen anything like it. 10 grown men and women (mainly pastors), with tabbards with labels like 'fever' 'white blood cell' 'cough' played the part of bugs invading teh body of a 'healthy person' (also a 'character'). They then demonstrated how the presence of HIV in an otherwise healthy body, made it more susseptible to other problems. The white blood cell character literally acted out 'beating up' the fever, pain, cough characters. They absolutely threw themselves into it. I was in awe! I'd like to see my pastors and people at my church strutting their stuff with so much vigor! The best bit though, was that when they talked about it afterward they had learnt so much it was untrue.
Following the sketch, Anoukke and Claire who are the HIV team members did some consolidatory teaching and then they began to talk to them about how they can teach themselves. They encouraged the group to think of ways they could reproduce the flip chart drawings and information. The group were so resourceful, picking out people in the church who had artistic skills. They were then asked to go and spend an hour or so with poeple from different churches (a cunning way of networking) practicing with some of the teaching aids they were given, teaching eachother.
I sat in with one group, and they were each so gifted in certain areas. One young mother was clearly concerned for the topic of mother to child transmission and spoke from the heart about the best way to protect mother and child in and after pregnancy. Another pastor had a great way of bringing everyday Liberian cultural themes into their teaching. I was astounded for this a first try. Tucked away in a dark, unlit, cool classroom, their time and efforts took on new meaning. This group will impact so many people around them, they will share with their family members, and they will bring the hope of Christ with them as they do it.
At the end of the workshops, the group is encouraged to go together to be tested so that they know their status, and as a way of starting to break down the stigma by helping with counselling of fellow group memebers if necessary.
I was privaleged and amazed at the enthusiasm and concern each person had. They all spurred one another on as they began to teach, they all shared openly and honestly about the things that had come across. This is an awesome programme!

I have been renamed...!

Yesterday I spent the day with our HIV team (much more on that in another post!). It was another of my most enjoyable days off ship. We went to a place in Upper Caldwall to a smaller more rural village area. The journey there was the bumpiest I have ever had, no opportunity for dosing! we spent the day with 22 pastors/leaders of nearby churches, and it was fanatastic. There was one moment that stuck out for me a little more than the rest on a personal level and taht was during lunch.
We were eating a traditional African meal of rice and 'meat' (!!) in spicy sauce (and I mean spicy...in the blazing sunshine that was around today!). Debbie one of the pastors wives looked at me quite deeply and asked my name again. A few minutes later after she had been sitting in thought, she said to me I am going to give you your Liberian name in Pele (a West African dialect/language). It is 'Lelah'. She smiled profusley and knowingly...We all continued to chat and relax and that seemed to be the end of it.
Before we left she shook my hand and said 'Don't forget your Liberian name...Lelah'. 'Remind me what it means' I asked: and there it was plain and bold as day
"I am satisfied" She said as she looked right into my eyes, with a look that felt like she was seeing inside my heart!
Kind of took the wind out of my sails and made me stop in my tracks. Satisfied. Am I, will I be, have I been? Questions tha have been running through my mind since she said the words.
I don't know why she gave me that name but it certainly fits in with a lot of my thought processes recently.
Where am I looking for my satisfaction and is it enough?
Well I am not there yet, but one thing I know for sure, particularly whenI am working and being in a place like Liberia, my satisfaction is not coming from any earthly thing.

Night shift

Last week I did my set of nights and I had a really great night shift. Lately I have been quite tired and I am embarrased to say have felt myself 'living' for my days off. It has been quite a challenge to think about that mindset in a place such as this, and it's hard not to judge myself and my attitude and feel pretty horrible. So after some rest and some determination on my part to try and change my attitude, I went to my night shift praying hard and with a renewed attitude.
The shift began with me as always introducing myself and explaining I was their nurse for the night. As I went around, it was obvious that a couple of my female patients understood very little English. So the sign language ensued. Both ladys had had goitres removed from their necks and so I spent a lot of my time going round doing all sorts of checks of their necks and faces, prodding and poking, trying to explain what I was doing was pretty hard but they were very tolerant! I have noticed that often people with the same types of problem will group together, and my ladies were no different. We had 3 other ladies on the ward with massive goitres who were having their operation the next day. This is the place where their large swollen necks (and whatever else they have problems with!) are not looked down upon, and someone else knows exactly what it is to be rejected, stigmatised and made fun of.
Somehow my night with these ladys was different. Sometimes language and having to point, gesture and simplify can be really hard and a huge effort, often to no avail. But my ladies were patient, and somehow with smiles, points, and showing eachother what we meant we were able to get by, and what's more is that it was fun.
I was also looking after Kossi again, so we had a bit of a play as I went round, he is turning into quite a live wire! He loves to be cheeky now and is a lot of fun.
As I turned the lights out and prepared for the long night ahead, I remembered my intentions to pray for my patients. I snuck around the curtains which we set up to dull the night lights to a comfortable level, I went to see who was still awake. I offered to pray for 2 gentlemen who had been quietly resting for most of the evening from 7pm when I arrived. They were most enthusiastic and so I prayed, one of them ferevently agreeing for all I was praying. Yet again I think the patients were more of an encouragement to me than the other way round! Often you will find that during the day but particularly in the mornings, many of them will dig out their bibles and quite openly pray or read psalms out loud. I love to hear that, and am reminded of their focus every day as they get up, by the first thing that they do.

Everyone works together

In my last post I forgot to mention one of the most 'warm heart' moments of the day. After the admissions for the next day arrived, we asked the translators to prepare some patient activities. We have thread which we use to teach and make friendship bracelets with the patients, so on occasions we spend time bagging up thread of the right length and attaching safety pins etc. Well, this was an amazing sight. Within 5minutes of the new kids and the bubblefest, the mums and dads of the new arrivals were sat with the translators in a circle, cutting measuring and bagging thread.
This was a community event. A time of just chatting and sharing. Mamas (many just young girls) laughing and joking, sharing I expect the events leading up to the big white ship, and these funny white people. There was no complaining, only joy, laughter, and a great sense of purpose amongst the new group.
Many times I think we miss the simple pleasures of being with others. The people of Africa are daily teaching me how important community is. This is how many have survived the war in one piece. Everyone pitches in and gets on with the dull tasks by making an event of it. The young girls help out their elders. I have also witnessed men, being men, but also being the most amazing fathers.
we had a young lady with a baby who was having surgery, and the young man in the bed next to her was ready and waiting whenever she needed a hand. He comforted the child, played with her, entertained her and fed her whenever needed, without being asked.It was just an innate response!

I love to witness these moments. I will never tire of them. We may 'be bringing hope and healing to the forgotten poor', but what this experience is giving me I can't even articulate!

On the ward

Tuesday was just 'another day' on the ward, I use that term carefully because I am so conscious that nothing I do here is just another day...I began my day with 5 patients. As the patients woke from their deep slumbers, I tiptoed round checking charts and getting my brain in gear for the day ahead. We are assigned patients according to level of care rather than a certain area of the ward so it is a habit of mine to introduce myself to each patient so they know who to ask for! When I first arrived, I wasn't quite so clued up on this and how important it is to them to know your name. On the odd occasion I forget they will remind me. I find that quite a challenge because sometimes I am the world's worst at remembering translators names, and even the patients sometimes.
2 of my patients for the day were men who had had hernia repairs, and they were to be discharged. One of the big things we have to do is teach wound care to each patient. It may seem like an easy thing to do, but I have had to learn the right words to use; water from the pump, put pan in fire for 10 minutes etc etc, and then teach it in very short sentences. We English know how to make things complicated just by using lots of words! I am slowly developing my Liberian English, 'wait small' 'it hurting you?' 'you whan pan?' but often have to rely on the translators to help when I teach. It is so important that they are taught everything from how to wash hands (and with soap and 'clean' water) to not touching wounds with fingers, and making clean salt water ever day.
The two men I spent time explaining this to picked it up pretty quickly. I recently spent some time designing a 'how to make water for wound care' leaflet in words and also in pictures. It was a challenge to come up with pump pictures instead of taps and a fire showing how they usually boil water. It has taught me to think a lot about the lifestyle here.
Having discharged the 2 men I thought I might have a quiet day, not so! I had one lady going for thyroid surgery (oh how I love those...??!!) She was quite nervous so I spent some time talking to her about things. When I finally took her to surgery, we walked slowly down the long corridor, so alien to her, carrying her fluid bag in the air, heading towards 'the bench' outside the anaesthetic room. As we sat down, she let out a quivering breath. I forget this moment is even more strange to people here than a 'first surgery timer' at home. Many having not stepped into a medical environment before, let alone a ship or anything air conditioned! As the theatre nurse arrived we asked, as we do all patients, if we could pray for her. She agreed, and we prayed for peace, rest and guidance for the surgeons. No where else have I ever seen prayer so readily received than 'the bench'.
Returning to the ward I spent sometime with Kossi my little boy who has had bilateral osteotomys. He was sporting a woolly jumper, donated from somewhere, a bit of an 'off the shoulder number' as it was a little too big, but he loves it. He previously had to have one of his eyes removed and a false one is now in it's place. Somehow that false eye gives him an even more deeply beautiful look about his cheeky smile. Every now and again, I feel a little dig in the back of my legs. He is behind me in his wheelchair, with crutches and pillows rigged up for leg supports. It's his cheeky way of just letting you know he's still there! Kossi loves playing 'pee po' despite him being 10!
In the afternoon there was an influx of patients for the next days surgery. Laura our assistant ward supervisor had found stacks of bubbles so because of the influx of kids, we had a big bubble blowing session. The shiny bubbles were flying in all directions and even the smallest of kids were following them carefully and reaching out to pop them.
One little girl that arrived was quite shy, but such a sweet spirit. She
sadly had had an infection in one of her eyes. It bulged out in quite an ugly manner, she was to have the eye removed the next day. Completely used to just using her one eye, she will bounce back after her surgery, and she joined in the games no problem.
Ali (of team awesome!!) was a gem and talked to one of my little ones about his surgery the next day. Each person gets a teddy in their admission pack, so Ali dressed up his bear with dressings to show him how his tummy would look after his surgery. He was a little nervous, but was put ease seeing what he would look like.
My patient who had thyroid surgery returned a little later, and so ensued the pointing sign language that I am developing quite admirably! She was so relieved if a little shell shocked. Some time after she returned I got a mirror to show her her neck. The lump she had removed was the size if a melon. As she looked in the mirror her eyes glazed over but she said nothing, gently touching her neck, I could read it all in her eyes. A small time later her family came to see her, and is often the case, thanked and thanked us profusely. At times like that, I find it so hard to 'accept' the thanks. It's a struggle to feel like we have done anything more than these wonderful people deserve.